Not just a great scrabble root

The procrastination was joyous but everything must come to pass and today it did. The responsibility of filing the taxes was one I just wasn't looking forward to this time around. Last year was my lowest overpayment in my financial history ($17) and this year I feared the worse...I thought I owed!

I'm not gonna get all tea party here but look at it, I think I pay enough f-ing tax year round (even to CASDI...$397, what the hell is that all about?!?) Not only that, but I see all the bullshit credits people get and I wonder where's my piece of the fake deduction pie? For instance, I didn't get a hybrid vehicle or install solar panels to my apartment but where's my credit for riding my bike everywhere in 2009?

If you're a single guy with no kids, no property and pay your way in life there's just not a lot the government can fake credit you for.

That's neither here nor there (what does this expression even mean?) I just don't think I morally owe any additional war bills.

The digital calculations were rapid fire. TaxACT remembered everything about me from last year and started from there and in an hours time my digits were not only filed, but accepted. The numbers were real close but in the end a $36 refund from the feds paid a $35 debt to the state and I finished in the black. This year I made a dollar back...well, that's simply untrue. The genius software that saved me countless hours cost $13.95 so really I paid up.

I feel good though....it's over.

I remember how arduous taxes used to be and I'm enamored with how simple it all is in this remarkable digital age (thank you Al Gore.) I think it could be easier though. I think the IRS should just do our taxes for us. After all, the reportables could all be sent to them directly. They could shuffle and crunch the paperless transactions on their own and then tell us how our life changed since last year. They could even make up fake deductions if appropriate. (I NEVER do that by the way...people who cheat on their taxes should go straight to hell!) (Or to Cheaterland!)

How come K-12 teachers can claim classroom expenses and I can't?

Ah, who's kidding who, the IRS would just screw everything up. It would be like the census (If you know to send me one you know who and where I am already. I haven't received a census form yet and I'm probably gonna skip it. Going unaccounted sounds so romantic and impossible in 2010.)

Of course today could really be the beginning of my financial undoing. I prepared and filed over the very public waves of the coffeehouse and I'm certain there is a nerdy genius scumbag collecting every digital fact about me. I'm almost certain I've bought three properties, died, been reborn, and fathered a tribe of welfare babies in the hour since I've filed.

I've already spent the dollar on coffee.